Getting the Hell Out of Dodge
Had to run to the store earlier. Main St. was littered with happy couples on their way to and from dinner. The pounding heart came back, the sweaty palms, the knotty throat. [Resisting the urge to say what I really want to right here.] I can't take sitting in this apartment alone and upset anymore, so I made plans to get away for a few days. I'm leaving tomorrow morning, bringing some books, hoping to write. I probably won't have an internet connection until I get back. I wish I could leave evaporate tonight.
Comments
I much appreciated your comments in the earlier post about allowing yourself to be open and vulnerable and weak (my clumsy paraphrase) in your blog.
In Elaine Pagels' introduction to her book The Gnostic Gospels, she quotes from an ancient text: "If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you fail to bring forth what is within you, what you fail to bring forth will destroy you." I'm not of a religious bent much at all, though that quote has stayed with me since I first read it some years ago.
I've always tended to feel that saying plainly the truth about myself, who I am, what I feel, is the greatest source of strength and endurance for me in the face of pain and desolation. I believe in the power, the force, of telling the truth.
I can understand this and feel it in hindsight most of the time. Feeling it, however, doesn't necessarily make it easier or less scary when I'm in the middle of dealing with something painful. It's always hard.
Just posting this to say I'm coming by and reading and listening.
Posted by: Lyle Daggett | April 7, 2006 01:47 AM
My best wishes on you being well.
Posted by: Steve S | April 7, 2006 02:47 AM
Hope everything goes well for you... FWIW, "I wish I could evaporate tonight" could be the start of something great, charged with such power and emotion. Be well.
Posted by: Nate | April 7, 2006 01:10 PM