Advice?
3/13/07: Letter under my door from the management office. Just to be a pain in my ass (because it'll only net him a few hundred dollars) S. has decided to terminate the lease early. Fortunately, my income qualifies me for a low rent program in a different apartment, so my daughter will be able to finish out the school year. But it won't be fun explaining to her why we have to move for two months and then move again.
A few good things to know before signing a joint lease:
- No party to a lease can simply throw up their hands and say "I release myself from the obligation." Not without being taken to court by the landlord and sued for the balance of the lease.
- Neither party can have the other removed from a lease without their consent.
- As long as a person's name is on a lease, they are legally entitled to access the property at will.
Also, in NH at least, it is against the law to intimidate a person by causing them susbstantial emotional distress. I'm not a lawyer, but if I had to guess that probably means a person can't try to control another's real or imagined speech by threatening to make the speaker's life miserable if she says, or is perceived or conjectured to have said, things the intimidator doesn't like.
So hopefullly that's the end of that for now.
OR NOT. Jesus fucking christ. I am not going to be emailed and voicemailed and voicemailed and emailed about what language to use or not use on my blog. Leave me the hell alone already. That's what the above was intended to convey. It's not OKAY to decide who I can talk to, or whether sex is an appropriate topic for my blog, or to dictate the specific language I can use to indicate that someone is in fact threatening to make my life miserable if I don't do as I'm told. A threat is a threat whether it's financial or threatening to slander me on a blog that gets "more than 750 visitors a day" or telling me to warn other bloggers that you'll assault them if you ever meet them in person or whatever. And I'm not going to take this backchannel so that I can have my sanity privately questioned. Just STOP!
Comments
1. Most importantly, get a restraining order (go to legal aid).
2. Consider a room-mate, maybe another single mother. I know people this has worked out very well for, even for short periods of time: there are other people often in jams that need a transitional place to live.
3. Also, I know too well from personal experience that social services are often a nightmare, but make sure you are getting all available resources from your area. There might be some emergency rental assistance available.
Anne
Posted by: anne | March 11, 2007 07:26 PM
You should post the whole e-mail, including the part where I accuse you of abusing me physically and otherwise.
Believe me, I want nothing to do with you ever again. No restraining order needed; avoiding you is the only thing I could possibly wish for.
S.
Posted by: Seth | March 11, 2007 07:33 PM
Find out what you can put on your University bill. I don't really recommend debt, but shit happens. U-bills are often the lowest-interest way to accrue and defer expenses; dunno BC's policy, but it can potentially be a way to get food that you probably won't have to pay off til end of summer or longer.
And also? What Anne said, esp #1.
Posted by: jane | March 11, 2007 07:54 PM
I agree about the restraining order. This is a man who will try and use everything he can against you, and anything you can do to stop it, you should.
And I've been working with DC Social Services a lot since January. It's been tough, but there are definitely resources out there.
Ging, we are all here for you. I'm so sorry you're going through this.
Posted by: Jess | March 11, 2007 09:07 PM
Oh, and even if he did air all your laundry, it would just make him look like more of an ass than he already does.
No one would judge you for that. So don't let him blackmail you.
Posted by: Jess | March 11, 2007 09:12 PM
Ditto on all of the above.
Also, it varies by state, but my sister once broke up with someone she shared a lease with -- and she worked it out with the rental office. She continued paying her half -- he he didn't -- and they followed up with collections on him. Her credit wasn't affected, only his.
I'm sure there is some kind of legal aid you can use to investigate you options. Remember, you have options.
Nobody is buying any high and mighty acts -- nobody paying the slightest bit of attention ever has. You might be surprised how obvious certain things are to outside observers.
Posted by: Reb | March 11, 2007 09:43 PM
I agree about a restraining order & legal aid. They can help with child support as well? Good luck.
Posted by: Jilly | March 11, 2007 09:45 PM
For the record, unless the definition of the word has changed, I did not abuse S. I really don't want to discuss the details of a bad relationship on my blog, which is why I haven't, but I don't want my silence to seem like an admission.
Posted by: Ginger Heatter | March 12, 2007 08:20 AM
Also, thanks to everyone for your advice. I put together a collection of phone numbers, websites, and talked to my landlord this morning. I feel much better knowing that my well-being for the next few months does not require stepping too gently over the eggshells thrown at my feet.
Posted by: Ginger Heatter | March 12, 2007 09:48 AM
No, seriously: people who say they want nothing more to do with you, and then keep coming back to try to control the situation (and you)? Much like people who suffer such irresistible fury that they must leave comment-box messages that stretch from field to field to field because they must make you understand and can't modulate their anger...get a restraining order if you haven't already. Seriously.
Posted by: jane | March 12, 2007 08:58 PM
From Reb: Nobody is buying any high and mighty acts -- nobody paying the slightest bit of attention ever has. You might be surprised how obvious certain things are to outside observers.
What she said and then some.
I lived through something very much like this in my late twenties. I am thinking good thoughts for you and hoping you'll follow the excellent advice offered above.
Posted by: pamela | March 13, 2007 11:21 AM
Thanks everyone for your support. I've done what I needed to do, and hopefully it's all good things from here on out.
Posted by: Ginger Heatter | March 15, 2007 12:22 AM